Tuesday, July 3, 2007


mmm, today, I came to a interesting understanding about an important thing: trust.

Trust is an important thing isn't it? Over time, one has to give a degree of trust to someone and it is often to the person you feel is worthy and capable of holding that trust. In other words, you can't live without it. It is kind of a crazy paradox. You give your trust expecting whatever you expect in full because you trust that person. But the only thing ensuring that is the moral of that person which you trust even though you have absolute no guarantee.

This brings about another interesting paradox. When you do give your trust, it gets betrayed by the least most expected person often at the most inopportune time. This reminds me of the Murphy's Law which states "whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time". Very amusing I think. To have it betrayed brings both pain and a moment of enlightenment. Then questions come to mind:

"Why didn't I see this?", "How could I be so blind?", "How could I given my trust to such a person?", "What the hell was I thinking?", "I am such a idiot!".

These questions requires answers but often one can't find answers to them and have to suffice with self answers... They say a mistake is only a mistake when it is forgotten... Reminds me of an interesting Russian proverb that goes something along the following lines: "Dwelling on the past cost you one eye. Forgetting the past costs you both". So the conclusion I came to was that if trust is betrayed once, give no second chance because it'll be more painful the second time round correct? Alas, this is easier said than done isn't it?

But I came to realise a betrayal of a trust is not necessarily a bad thing particularly if it is discovered early. It shows twos things at a moment's thought:

1) The person has low morals or is simply incapable and worthy of keeping your trust. Therefore be on guard at all times. The person may not be necessarily bad, just incapable... No matter what you are trusting the person with, once agreed, there is a silent code of honor that needs to be upheld at all cost no? People today seems to have a very weak grasp of this, it is truly pathetic.... and very sad...

2) I forgot the second thing hahaha. But this cake is certainly good. Strawberry with two layers of chocolate stuffed with two layers of cream and an outer wall of choc. cookies... mmm, delicious. Uhhh, anyway back to what I was saying.

I guess the day we find someone we can really trust as a friend or otherwise is the a truly amazing day. I have yet to find that person and I certainly look forward to that day... if it ever comes. Until that day, it is perhaps still better to trust and betrayed than not to trust because otherwise, you may never find out.

But what I am even more interested is what your take on this thing called trust. Tell me about your experience, perhaps a betrayal and how you felt and dealt with it. And how you decided to move on. I'm sure it'll come in handy for me.

See you next time ladies and gentlemen. Shan.


Amel's Realm said...

Hey, Shan!!!

I've been visiting your blog. It's just that I was confused on what to say on your earlier post before this. And I couldn't find the answer to your question hi hi hi...

Hey, I think I should clap my hands on your improving ability to drive a manual car!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!! *clap clap clap* ^______________________^

When it comes to your dream (that you told me in my blog), it CAN come true. I had that dream, too, once, and it's already come true now. :-))) I mean, there are SO MANY (many more) women out there...so there HAS to be someone (at least ONE) who can understand you for who you are!!! C'mon, give yourself a break and have some faith!!!

Just keep your eyes and mind open and believe!!! :-D Love always comes unexpectedly, so just let love come he he he...

When it comes to trust...hmmm...I don't think I've ever experienced betrayal. I always keep an arm's length when I first start to meet people, though I still believe that most people are basically good. However, when it comes to really trusting someone, it has to be developed bit by bit. Time has to prove that I can trust someone.

Hmmm...if I remember any experience in trust/betrayal, I'll write more. For now, I think I've been safe so far. None of my close friends has ever damaged my trust. None of my family members have ever betrayed my trust, either.

Shan said...

Haha, yeah, I should have practised earlier, I just realised without a car, I can't find a better job :P. As for trust, I am happy for you and hope you will never experience it in your life ever.

Jeff said...

Trust is like going to the race track and placing your bet. Chances are you are going to lose, but when you win, you really feel good. That good feeling keeps you coming back (that and the innate need for humans to bond and trust each other).

Also a person's trustworthiness is only as strong as his treatment of the most recent "secret".

Shan said...

Indeed Jeff hehe. Your last comment certainly seemed to have read a bit of my mind. We have to find a balance somewhere don't we :)

Amel's Realm said...

GOOD LUCK in finding a better job, Shan!!!

Btw, when'll you know your exam results? I remember during my uni days, I always wanted to know the results ASAP HE HE HE HE HE...

Shan said...

It comes out about 2 weeks after the exams. Should be ok, I think my bullshitting skills has been perfected to a suitable degree :P

Max said...

Hi Shan!

Great Post!!!!
Trust is, no doubt, one of the most complex paradoxes on earth! Trusting somebody blinds you before the dangers of trust...that's why we never see the betrayal coming, we never feel the axe on our backs! And it hurts so bad, cause the person you trust the most is almost always the one who will betray you; and the one who you trust the least will often give you proof of loyalty...however, what is the true intention of the one who relentlessly shows you his/her loyalty? I ask this cause no one is perfect, no one is loyal at all times, even the most trustworthy person will betray you (and if it is intended for you to open your eyes, Destiny will choose exactly the one you trust the most to do it; for It knows that you shall forgive, althoug not forget - if you have learned your lesson right)!

"Dwelling on the past cost you one eye. Forgetting the past costs you both" - I think that this Russian sentence means: if a tempest occurs in your life and instead of overcoming it and moving forward, you linger on what went wrong, what could've been done, you shall certainly go thru a tempest again, because you are distracted. You are to recognise where you went wrong and move on! On the other hand, forgetting the past will make you forget both what happened and where you went wrong, causing you to fall in the same mistake again (then the consequences of making the same mistake twice are much harder at all levels)!
I like to think that I can trust people, although I don't! I know that I don't cause I trust them, although expecting them to betray me (for I am perfectly conscious of the fact that humans will always betray one another, it's inherent to them...it's inherent to matter, to flesh...)!


princess said...

Is your post directed at me? I get the impression that it is. I know I open my big mouth too often but don't take it to heart. Its just that what you said to me stayed on my mind for a while and I had to discuss it with someone, naturally the person I am closest to. I hardly think it means that I can't keep secrets, because it wasn't a secret, I think you just didnt want to be embarassed by it, because you know you were only saying things because of the way you feel.
I still keep most of our conversations close to my heart, they are just for you and me to know. But you should know that a lot of people have guessed the subject matter, they aren't blind or deaf you know. By the way I heard you have been asking questions about me. I don't know why you didnt just ask me. I guess you just don't trust my answers
Anyway I think this is an attempt at an apology for blabbing, but you have to realise I wasn't unreasonable.

P.S. I think you are playing the game, however it is not a game on my part.

P.P.S. I have learnt that the only person you can trust is yourself. To trust anyone else is a risk that you must decide whether or not to take. And I think that it is not the person whom you are to trust that you should question, but rather the matter upon which trust is desired. Therefore you should never give any person 100% trust, but then you shouldn't be so cynical as not to trust them at all. You just have to choose when you are going to trust them or not. I've been through a lot of things in my life Shan, and I learnt that the hard way.

Shan said...

Max: Very deep, most impressive! That is indeed true! What can you do except trust huh :)

Princess: No this was not directed at you. Sometimes my post take a personal nature but if you read it closely, they are extremely general and is often something my mind conjures up after a period of though.

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for.

Just be yourself and enjoy life. I'm sorry for you feeling the way you feel.

Amel's Realm said...

BULLSHITTING skills? HA HA HA HA..It reminds me of my High School days. There was one subject where the teacher gave scores based on the length of the "bullshit" you could conjure up hi hi hi...SO FUNNY!!! As a result, on national exam, I had a RED MARK for that special subject as I had bullshitted too much. Shame on me!!! LOL!!!