Thursday, November 8, 2007

The Game... Or An Illusion?

I sit here in front of my quiet, newly customised computer pondering... The night is quiet, there is a light breeze slipping into my room and my folks are asleep. A great evening to think.

I just had to write this.

I have just finished reading a most insightful, interesting and eye-opening book in my life. This is not something I admit readily for I have read hundreds of books, possibly into the thousands and this book, despite its non-conventional nature comes out very high on my list of good reads. Of course, it's not as well woven like that of Jeffery Archer nor have the characteristic flow of a Jack Higgins but just the nature and the message of the book makes you feel enlightened.

The book is called "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Most people outside of US probably have not heard of it but the title itself pretty much gives away its content and I believe most people would understand what "The Game" means.

Putting it simply, it's a catch phrase for men (or women) who engages in activities to pursue the opposite (or even the same) sex. In other words, these guys plays the game by using a range of tactics and strategies to ensnare their "prey", screw them and then discard them. Men who plays the game are called "Players" and women are often called "Playettes", however also acknowledged as 'hos (whores), sluts, tramps etc etc.

SO this book details the transformation of a man, an insecure man called Neil Strauss who "penetrates" or rather joins the society of pick-up artists (PUA), learn from the, creates an alternative self called "Style" and using Style to become a Player.

Throughout his journey, he meets various mPUA's (Master Pick-up Artists) such as David DeAngelo, Ross Jefferies and of course, the infamous or rather famous Mystery himself. He learns from each of these artists who have their own method such as "Speed Seduction" or the "Mystery Method". He also goes on various seminars and workshops throughout the world including Perth and teaches various Average Frustrated Chumps (AFC's) how to pick up women and play the game... Finally he creates his own method combined from all these artists and he now calls himself the world's best pickup artist.

The book create 11 chapters with the process of picking up and includes select a target to demonstrate value to blasting last minute resistance. According to Strauss, from the moment he decides to pick up his target and to sex, the duration is anywhere between the same day to the time he calls her. Of course, like any good story, he always succeeds and never fails until the last girl who he marries hahaha! Somewhat unrealistic but definitely a good read!

If you read it, you'll know what I mean by very interesting. It is a best seller on Amazon and so it should be.

Firstly, I want to outline the good points of the book. One, it's a good read and provides a very good background of how to improve self image and becoming a player hahaha! (Spend money, spend time and it would seem that every guy can become a Player lol). Two, the messages are good and as much degrading it is to women, the ultimate message is very good.

Now moving onto the bad points. One, it never details any failures and this somewhat accentuates the true nature of the book, that is, it's designed to excite and convey a message. In reality, despite this guy's successes, I am pretty sure he would have failed and in those failures, killed his own self-morale even more and made him want to try harder to do something that bears little practicality on life. Two, it is highly encouraging to guys to .. well.. become a player. Due to the fact that the book does not detail any failures, it kind of idolise this guy and makes everyone feel that by trying, everyone can become a player and I seriously doubt this. This has a negative side as guy will try and burn and this burning will lead them to more failures and ultimately, possible self-destruction. Of course, persistence is good and trying gives a guy a better chance than none but the way this guy details is really a hilarious way to pick-up women.

Then again, I am failing to neglect the fact that all his pick-ups are restricted to club girls or strip club girls and rarely any outside of these places. According to him, picking up intelligent girls are easier than party-happy girls with attention deficit disorder, yet he seems to pick up girls in clubs with ADD lol!

Finally, this is degrading to women. He sends across a message that ALL women are the same and that they want excitement from their otherwise mundane lives. Pretty much in the earlier parts of the book, he is saying that he can pick up any women no matter what their background as he can provide them with fun and well... excitement lol! This is illustrated by the fact that he managed to pick-up the girlfriend of his best friend in Belgrade, amusing no?

Now, this kind of makes a guy including me very much disillusioned in the female species because by rationality, I feel that in many ways, what he is saying is true and as much as I want to believe otherwise, he has an advantage over other guys.

Of course, he makes up for this near the end by saying that as degrading and degenerating the game is having on his life, the boost in self-confidence is extremely important and I feel this is possibly the most important message he has to convey to all guys.

Girls will always be girls and no matter how hard we try, their thinking process will always be the same and they will always want something a guy like him can provide. So the only thing guys who does not want to become players to do is be self-confident, do his best to be himself and hope to god that a girl can see this and be attracted for what he is, not a game he has created to ultimately screw her. Because confidence allows you to attract others and from reading this book, I realised that we all need to be more confident. I have known that everyone is insecure in their own ways but that to attract someone who can love you for who you are and be with you for the rest of yourself, you need to be confident and be who you are. If they want excitement or something you can't offer, then let them go to guys who can provide this and be happy, or just get screwed and tossed away. Of course, I am not saying to surrender because by being confident and being yourself means doing things that are more exciting and this can be done by being yourself I feel. Confidence is really the game, not just routine, lines, set-openers, closers and sex. While sex is always good, it's not the only thing.

At this stage, I feel like I am trying to convince myself that we guys who does not want to become players or we guys who can't be players (I think I can if I tried hard enough or spent enough money but that's not who I am and not someone who I want to be...). So I'll leave you with the final comments in the book by the "man" himself to think about.

"... And though I learned everything there is about attraction, seduction and courtship in the past two years, I learned nothing about maintaining a healthy relationship. Being together has required alot more time and work than learning to pickup women ever did, but it has brought me far greater satisfaction and joy. Perhaps that's because it is not a game"

Hahaha, so in conclusion, guess what, reading that must be some kind of epiphany for people I reckon. So let's summarise my various random thought and just condense them. I feel the book is good and that learning how to pick-up women is not a bad thing. It improves your chances of dating and being together with someone. However, I feel that it is wise not to trust everything that is being conveyed by the book because well, it is to generate controversy and excitement after-all. So by all means try to become a player, but use the skills for good, that is to obtaining and maintaining a relationship, not to screw women and use them. I am sure the author agrees with me on this and he himself, is a very manipulative person I think haha!

In my closing words, sometimes, being the best, the wise, or in this case, the master of pick-up does not mean they are "the one" because in the end, we are all human and being human means
that we all can be wrong. As the quote goes, "to err is human but to forgive is divine". As cool as it sounds to become a player, these guys often think they are the shit and this is an illusion in itself because it closes them to further learning and only through learning can be become better. So by all means learn but innovate rather than imitate.

Smile, Be Confident, Be yourself and Improve where possible. That is the game. I'd rather be playing this game than something that has little resemblance in life. Spending my time buying weird clothes, being extremely manipulative, rote learning pick-up lines and drinking into oblivion does not sound as well as having fun with friends, buying nice looking clothes and enjoying the experiences of life.

Then again, this is me and I know what I am capable of, so I guess I am luckier than many.

As I continue writing, I realise how I am just a goddamn think machine. I am continuosly outhinking myself and trying to find arguments to outwit myself and as I type this, I look at it with a huge smirk on my face hahaha!

Opps, now I realised something else, nothing remaining static is good for you, and hence it is impossible for me to draw an ultimate conclusion on my view of this book, the game, becoming a player or just becoming a better self.

My conclusion is that Smile, Be Confident, Be yourself and Improve where possible is the game I want to play. So, I hope anyone who reads this blog will seek out this book, read it and come to your own conclusion.

And oh, being a player does not make a guy any cooler than the rest Just means that the girls they're picking up are probably sluttier and easier lol :P

Until next time, enjoy life!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey man, great post. I actually have the same type of morals and values as you in the way I look at this whole context of a society. I don't want to be a player or a king of one night stands. I also agree that the book does make the females seem..."folly" and like a toy in which the guys come to "play" with them and I disagree with that concept. However that book was great in sense that it showed the reader different ways to meet and engage in conversation with a girl. It gave examples, and I suppose like most one sided stories it shows the passes and not the failures... But all in all I am truly happy that I picked up this book and read it. I advice any guy out there who is not confident or in-experienced in this type of scene to read this book. It is a great read and lots and lots and lots of good general information.


Josh

Amel's Realm said...

This is an interesting and detailed post. What should I say now? Hmmm...

1. How come the male players don't get the bad terms like their female counterparts?

2. The writer should try it in an Asian country where sex is still considered a taboo thing he he he he he...

3. Nope. I don't need fun and excitement from players, thank you very much he he he...And I know plenty of girls who think the same way as I do he he he...

4. I never realized the pressure put on the guys to make the first move. :-)

Michelle said...

Have you seeen the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith? He gets to realise what women really find attractive in men. ;-)

Zhu said...

I was thinking of the Hitch movie as well... what else can I say ?? I'm way to innocent to torture my mind with such questions ;)

Shan said...

Josh: Well spoken, it's a most entertaining read. Only those who have read the book can come up with such wonderful words haha!

Top stuff and good luck with your life my friend. Gabby is but one fish in the sea, work well and you'll succeed. A friend recently told me, bread will come and love will come, quite funny in the context she put it lmao!

Keep in touch bud!

Amel: I am surprised you were able to read all that, it is so confusing with bits here and there, totally incoherent but thanks for trying hahaha!

1) lol, I find that amusing as well :P I guess women are generally regarded to be more of the docile and perfect side of humanity so showing a side that is cough tends to generate controversy while guys, well, conquering females have been a century old sport... It's quite sad but we are humans and that is that I think...

2) Hahaha, I'm sure there's player societies in Asian countries. In China, nightclubs and karaokes are hell booming and all the chicks, well, go to one and you'll totally know what I mean. The way they dress, gosh, it surpasses anything girls are like here in Perth. Absolutely fantastic lol!

3) You give me confidence about the females species Amel :D

4) I've been thinking about this one haha, you are so right. I am often shocked by how just one sentence can makes me think and laugh so much!!

Mich: I will look into it haha!

Zhu: :P Lies, all lies!

Max said...

Hey Shan,

My first reaction to this post: LOL LOL LOL! That book seems to be interesting.

Now, seriously: from what I read it seems to me that that book would've been far more interesting if the author had tested intellectual women (cause all women are intelligent, but intellectual is a whole different matter). I bet he would've failled like no man's business lol lol *nodding*.
He is wrong when he states that women are all the same, they're not (the same way men are not the same. For example, you know that you could never be a player cause that's not your nature, right?)...some like excitement, others don't, some are sluty, others are not, some are vulgar...so forth and so forth...

I wouldn't say that only strippers fall for players, I'd say that also women with low self-esteem would fall for them. Women who are extremely confident select the men they want, make them feel like they are in a relationship (usually the key word is "no strings attached") and then dump them in such a way that men think that they're dumping the women lol lol *nodding*.

I am so glad that you understand that that book is commercial sh*t. Entertaining, no doubt, but not to be taken seriously!
I don't think it is demeaning towards women, cause believe me, they already demean themselves without the help of such books (unfortunately) *shrugging*.

I liked this post...I'll discuss it with some friends over the weekend...some will go wild, I can feel it LOL LOL!

Cheers

Amel's Realm said...

Hey, Shan!

1) Yes, unfortunately it seems to be the case.

2) I should've written it in a different way. He should've tried it not in night clubs he he he...

3) GOOD!!! :-D

4) HE HE HE HE...Glad to make you laugh! ;-D

Shan said...

Max: What a wonderful comment you have left me. Laugh by all means, I tried to make the post amusing but it didn't work too well lol.

a) He is definitely wrong when saying all women are the same. Perhaps though, under the exterior they do want the same things? I have little experience so I have little to say but agree.

b) By all means discuss. My blog can generate only so much interest so I hope you will spread it around. And by all means post some messages what what your friends though, I'd love to see how they react.

c) I am dearly wanting to see a pic of you haha, or have you posted one already?

Amel:

1) hehehhe

2) No No, I totally understood what you said.

3) Hahaha!!

4) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Amel's Realm said...

I've seen Max's pic ho ho ho ho ho ho...through her webcam HO HO HO...She's GORGEOUS and EXOTIC of course 'coz she's a mixture of SO MANY different races he he he...I think we'll only be able to see her in real life later on after she gets married. She HAS to take her pics then, right? HE HE HE HE...

What do women want? I don't know about all women, but I want commitment, stability, honesty, openness, someone to share, to love, to hold, someone who doesn't play any games with me...someone who has a GOOD sense of humour, someone who supports my dreams, who doesn't put me down whenever I make mistakes, someone whom I can lean on. I absolutely don't need a one-night stand or other types of excitement in my life except those kinds of excitement that my hubby can offer that I can enjoy he he he he...

Amel's Realm said...

OK...just to get it straight...I DO need excitement but not from other guys...I LOVE excitement that I get when I'm with my female closest friends and we hang out together and we share our innermost thoughts and experiences and dreams...but I thrive on stability, most esp. the kind of stability that can only be given through commitment he he he...

Max said...

Hey Shan,

I'll be back to tell you their response to your post; and answer you question...

For now: you have been tagged!
http://maxcouti.blogspot.com/2007/11/tag-38-things-about-me.html

Cheers

Max said...

By the way...your post was amusing...trust me!

CHeers

Max said...

Shan,

I am back!
Yeah, your post had quite an impact on my peeps: we were laughing like crazy (with the definition of players and playettes)! They all agree with: intelligent women act differently, and they hardly fall for players...in fact they spot them afar!
However they will do what I described you in my previous comment.

About my photo: I do not post my photos, sorry! Mystery is the spice of life :)!

Cheers

Shan said...

Amel: You need to take a photo next time so we can expose her lol!

It's no fair we all have photos and she doesn't ahaha!

Max: Indeed? Haha, yeah I thought I should add a bit of excitement to my definitions :P But you know when you sai mystery is the spice of life, that infact suggest something ;)

One of the players in the book was called Mystery :P

Deadpoolite said...

It is all a matter of individual perspective really. I dont really think there are any universal answers on what 'the ideal' male behaviour would be. Personally, I am more of a relationships kinda of guy than a 'one guy to fuc... them all dude' but each approach has its alures, I am sure. In the long term the first approach is probably recommended but you are a young dude so see what suits you best and don't analyse things too much. I mean if you overanalyse everything from now, you will be pretty bored later in life, if you got nothing left to analyse, LOL!

Take care!

Max said...

Shan,

LOL LOL LOL very funny, young man, very funny *nodding*!

One of the players is called Mystery? That is a female nickname...what was he thinking? LOL LOL

Cheers

Shan said...

DP: You're right, I should refrain some such exercises... But I can't help it lol

Max: WHo knows, he sounds like a pretty disturbed guy in the book lol..

Max said...

Shan,

Could only be disturbed lol *nodding*! I mean, what makes a man, a player, attribute himself a female nickname? Hum...interesting....

Tiepolo said...

If you're interested in the moral dilemmas presented by such behaviour, then I highly recommend Diary of a Seducer, in Kierkegaard's Either/Or.